Editor:
Last month, I had to take my 88-year-old mother, because of foot pain, to a medical clinic on 32 Avenue and 152 Street.
My mom has always been a friendly, chatty woman but in her advancing years, has become even more so. She is hard of hearing, lacks focus but is a cheery soul. She was commenting on the comings and goings in the clinic, waving to children in the waiting room and speaking out to others who were waiting.
At one point, she became loud in her comments and I motioned for her to “keep it down.”
Across from us sat a middle-aged woman. Her name was called for her appointment and, before she went in, she came over and tapped me on the knee and said “You know, your mom commenting to these folks is not nearly as disgusting as you smacking your gum.”
And off she went.
Now, I, of course, was dumbfounded. I didn’t know this woman or why she felt compelled to make such a comment to me – I am sure she thought she put me in my place.
As I thought about it, I realized what she likely saw was another middle-aged woman with her elderly mother, perhaps speaking harshly to her, loudly chewing my gum, maybe looking annoyed.
But it’s what she didn’t see that is important here.
You see, I am a stressed-out middle-aged woman who has a 91-year dad at home in failing health. He has stopped eating, and we’re in the middle of doctor’s appointments and tests. I have an 88-year old mother who cannot care for herself – foot pain is the least of our worries.
I am the youngest of seven children but the only one living close enough, so much of this care falls to me. Our family is trying to figure out how to ensure our parents get the right care, but I am the one managing all this.
I have a demanding full-time job that I love, but am increasing being pulled away to support my aged parents. I am a single-mother trying to put my 20-year-old daughter through university so she can have a successful future – financial stress is ever present.
All these things were rattling around in my mind when this woman chose to make her comment to me.
So, I would say to that woman, please, please think before you speak. Be careful about making assumptions, and show a bit more compassion. You had no idea what was going in my life, what I have been coping with and the depth of my stress. I really didn’t need the additional guilt you threw my way.
I hope you give it some thought and maybe show more compassion the next time you feel compelled to offer your disapproval.
Kate Ludlam, Langley