Dear Santa,
It’s been a while since I’ve written to you. Hope this letter finds you well and in good form for your big day.
I know I could email you or text you, but, Santa, I am just an old-fashioned gal writing you an old-fashioned letter.
Just a few requests on my list this year.
Santa Baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me.
Well not a real one of course, as that would be politically incorrect, but if you could manage a really good fake, it would be much appreciated. Something with a waterproof outer shell might be a good idea to suit this rainy Vancouver weather.
An out-of-space convertible too, light blue…
A fuel-efficient hybrid with good mileage perhaps…the colour doesn’t matter, just one that doesn’t’ show the dirt. Something foreign and expensive would be perfect.
I wanna yacht and really that’s not a lot…
Moorage fees at False Creek would be mandatory. The Greek magnate is optional.
Life jackets for two, please.
I really do need, the deed to a platinum mine…
Do we have platinum in B.C.? Oh sorry, I was thinking of plutonium. I just had a blond moment. But seriously, as I just spent my last dime investing in ZoomerMedia shares, I can’t afford any mining stock. And don’t forget, like many Zoomers, I am now living on a fixed income. Be a sweetie…
…and cheques… sign your X on the line.
Honestly, does anyone use cheques anymore? A prepaid Visa would do nicely.
Come and trim my Christmas tree with some decorations bought at Tiffany’s…
Actually Santa, you are in luck with this one. I have given up diamonds as diamonds are forever. I am into bling these days… anything shiny and bright and preferably gaudy.
Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring…
Please see above. However, I will accept a ring as long as you don’t expect commitment. After all Santa, you are married!
I’ve been an awful good girl…
Oh Santa, that’s the trouble… being good is no fun. I would much rather be a naughty girl, and I know you of all people would understand. After all, where on earth has being good got me?
Santa baby… hurry down the chimney tonight!
Santa, on second thought, you needn’t bother.
You are far too busy. Maybe I should revisit this list of mine.
Let’s make it simple.
How about some world peace, a little more compassion and acts of kindness?
How about an end to poverty and reliance on food banks?
How about spreading a little more love, especially to those whose hearts are closed?
That should keep you busy.
Don’t worry about little old me. I have everything I could need.
Merry Christmas Zoomers.
See you in 2013.
April Lewis is the local communications director for CARP, a national group committed to a ‘New Vision of Aging for Canada.’ She writes monthly.