FILE - In this Dec. 9, 2018, file photo, FedEx Field is less than full during the second half of an NFL football game between the Washington Redskins and the New York Giants in Landover, Md. The title sponsor of the Redskins’ stadium wants them to change their name. FedEx said in a statement Thursday, July 2, 2020, “We have communicated to the team in Washington our request that they change the team name.“ (AP Photo/Mark Tenally, File)

FILE - In this Dec. 9, 2018, file photo, FedEx Field is less than full during the second half of an NFL football game between the Washington Redskins and the New York Giants in Landover, Md. The title sponsor of the Redskins’ stadium wants them to change their name. FedEx said in a statement Thursday, July 2, 2020, “We have communicated to the team in Washington our request that they change the team name.“ (AP Photo/Mark Tenally, File)

COLUMN: Some more appropriate names for Washington NFL team

Finally, Washington’s NFL team would have a name everyone could cheer with pride

Now that Washington’s NFL team has taken a long-overdue step toward changing its name, it’s time to start lining up some possible replacements.

Washington Generals, anyone?

After defiantly resisting all calls to change its offensive moniker, the Washington NFLers finally bowed to the only thing that really matters.

The bottom line.

With the nation embroiled in social turmoil and economic upheaval, Nike stopped selling merchandise with the Washington nickname. For good measure, stadium title sponsor FedEx called on the team to come up with a moniker that would be more in tune with the current times rather than, say, the 1800s.

So, while Washington’s NFL team conducts what it calls a “thorough review” that almost will surely lead to a replacement by 2021 at the latest, let’s explore a few possibilities:

GENERALS — This would be a nod to the lovable losers who spent decades serving as the Harlem Globetrotters’ nightly pushovers, compiling a record of one win and somewhere north of 16,000 losses before they went out of business in 2015. Washington’s NFL team hasn’t been quite that bad in recent years, but it did go 3-13 a year ago and last won a playoff game in 2005. If Generals doesn’t work out, how about the Federals? They were Washington’s entry in the USFL during the 1980s, going 7-29 over two seasons in the ill-fated spring football league. A seamless transition, that would be.

GRIDLOCK — The District of Columbia has some of the worst traffic congestion in the nation, so this would seem fitting to all those commuters who’ve been spent roughly the time it takes to play an NFL game just trying to get to work. Also, it sums up our current political climate.

BLAZE — During the War of 1812, the British invaded Washington and set fire to numerous government buildings including the White House and the Capitol. Not necessarily a proud moment in the nation’s history, but probably a notch above Dan Snyder’s embarrassing tenure as team owner.

BUREAUCRATS — The team could pay tribute to all those nameless workers who keep the wheels of government droning along through turbulent times. They’ve certainly shown more imagination than some of Washington’s offensive schemes over the past couple of decades.

FOGGY BOTTOM BOYS — Foggy Bottom is one of the city’s oldest neighbourhoods, which would give Washington’s NFL team a chance to play off the fictional band created for the Coen Brothers’ classic movie “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” The Soggy Bottom Boys were fronted by a lip-syncing George Clooney, who hopefully could be persuaded to cut a video for the team’s new right song, “I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow.” It’s a catchier tune (and certainly more appropriate for the long-suffering fan base) than the hokey “Hail to the ….”

BLOSSOMS — While perhaps lacking the machismo of other potential monikers, the city’s famed cherry blossoms are in full bloom for roughly as long as the hopes of a Washington NFL fan each season. About two weeks.

SENATORS — Washington’s longtime baseball franchise was so horrible most years that its derisive motto became, “First in war, first in peace, last in the American League.” Hmm, that sounds familiar. Other names that were once used by pro sports franchises in the district include the Diplomats (a long-forgotten soccer team from the 1970s) and the Ambassadors (a team that never got off the ground in the World Football League). But forget about the Bullets, the NBA Wizards’ former name. That one was dropped because of its association with gun violence. It ain’t coming back.

HOGS — This name hearkens back to the team’s most glorious era, when a group of down-and-dirty behemoths dominated the offensive line of scrimmage and bullied Washington to three Super Bowl titles under Joe Gibbs. This might be the best way to appease those fans who are sure to object to changing the offensive moniker.

MONUMENTS — C’mon, how can you not like the Washington Monuments! A worthy tribute to the city’s stunning array of marble and granite remembrances, which honour everyone from the first president to Martin Luther King Jr. to the veterans of the Vietnam War. Some great logo possibilities, for sure.

RED TAILS — This is our pick. It maintains a link to the team’s current abomination of a name but also salutes the famed Tuskegee Airmen, the group of African American fighter pilots who broke down racial stereotypes during World War II.

Finally, Washington’s NFL team would have a name everyone could cheer with pride.

Paul Newberry, The Associated Press

Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

Want to support local journalism? Make a donation here.

NFL

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

The COVID-19 test centre at Peace Arch Hospital is located on the building’s south side. (Tracy Holmes photo)
South Surrey woman calls for consistency in COVID-19 post-test messaging

‘Could we just get one thing straight?’ asks Deb Antifaev

Tom Jackson and bassist Kirby Barber in a trailer for "The Huron Carole," from video posted to youtube.com.
Tom Jackson’s ‘Huron Carole’ concert in White Rock goes virtual to feed hungry Canadians

Surrey broadcast date of Blue Frog-recorded show is Friday, Dec. 11, to benefit Surrey Food Bank

Fentanyl test strips are designed to work in seconds and give a person a negative or positive sign that fentanyl is present in a substance. It also works with other analogues such as carfentanil. (Photo: ASHLEY WADHWANI)
21 people died of overdoses in Surrey in October

Provincewide, more than five people died a day from overdoses

Surrey City Councillor Linda Annis and her dog Randi (foreground) bring toy donations to Saverio Lattanzio of Surrey Firefighters Association (holding toy) and fellow firefighters. (submitted photo: Pace Group)
Firefighters’ ‘Drive-by toy drive’ for Surrey Christmas Bureau, as SuperChefs cooks up kits

‘It’s been a particularly tough year for so many of our Surrey families’

File photo
Surrey RCMP investigating death threat against councillor Hundial

‘On Monday morning I received a threat on messenger that basically said to put a bullet in me,’ Councillor Jack Hundial told the Now-Leader

A man wearing a face mask to help curb the spread of COVID-19 walks in downtown Vancouver, B.C., Sunday, Nov. 22, 2020. The use of masks is mandatory in indoor public and retail spaces in the province. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Darryl Dyck
B.C. records deadliest day of pandemic with 13 deaths, 738 new COVID-19 cases

Number of people in hospital is nearing 300, while total cases near 30,000

(File photo)
Alberta woman charged after allegedly hitting boy with watermelon at Okanagan campsite

Police say a disagreement among friends at an Adams Lake campsite turned ugly

Court of Appeal for British Columbia in Vancouver. (File photo: Tom Zytaruk)
B.C. woman loses appeal to have second child by using late husband’s sperm

Assisted Human Reproduction Act prohibits the removal of human reproductive material from a donor without consent

B.C. projects targeting the restoration of sockeye salmon stocks in the Fraser and Columbia Watersheds will share in $10.9 million of federal funding to protect species at risk. (Kenny Regan photo)
13 projects protecting B.C. aquatic species at risk receive $11 million in federal funding

Salmon and marine mammals expected to benefit from ecosystem-based approach

Cannabis bought in British Columbia (Ashley Wadhwani/Black Press Media)
Is it time to start thinking about greener ways to package cannabis?

Packaging suppliers are still figuring eco-friendly and affordable packaging options that fit the mandates of Cannabis Regulations

Join Black Press Media and Do Some Good
Join Black Press Media and Do Some Good

Pay it Forward program supports local businesses in their community giving

Krista Macinnis displays the homework assignment that her Grade 6 daughter received on Tuesday. (Submitted photo)
B.C. mom angry that students asked to list positive stories about residential schools

Daughter’s Grade 6 class asked to write down 5 positive stories or facts

Barrels pictured outside Oliver winery, Quinta Ferreira, in May. (Phil McLachlan - Black Press Media)
B.C. Master of Wine reflects on industry’s teetering economic state

Pandemic, for some wine makers, has been a blessing in disguise. For others, not so much.

Most Read