COLUMN: ‘Twas the Night Before a Taxpayer’s Christmas

Jordan Bateman get into the holiday spirit as only a director of the of the Canadian Taxpayers Federation can

By Jordan Bateman, Special to the Peace Arch News

 

’Twas the night before Christmas, and all through B.C.

The pipeline wars were stirring, even over LNG,

Liberal stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that Petronas soon would be there,

The premier and cabinet were all snug in their beds,

While visions of a debt-free B.C. danced in their heads.

 

And taxpayers in their ’kerchiefs, and I in my cap,

Had just settled our bills for a long winter’s nap,

When on the Legislature lawn arose such a clatter,

We sprang from our stupor to see what’s the matter –

Quick as tax subsidies to TV shows like The Flash.

Why must these governments burn through all our cash?

 

The moon on the poodle on a street called Main,

Lit the people streaming off another stalled SkyTrain,

When what to my wondering eyes did I see,

But a TransLink executive in his luxury SUV,

With the $468,000 man throwing our money into the abyss,

I knew in a moment this must be Ian Jarvis.

 

More rapid than bus lines his enablers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

“Now, Greg Moore! Now, Cote! Now Walton and Gregor!

On, Jack Froese! On, Stewart! On, Brodie and Hepner!

Yet another TransLink tax! Grab the wallets of all!

Now waste away! Waste away! Waste away all!”

 

Like leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

There were so many others with tax hikes to try;

Even on our properties the taxes they grew

Increases more than inflation, and new fees too –

All done, with nary an inkling of the strain we feel

When from our wallets hundred-dollar bills they peel.

 

As I shook my poor head, and from my face rushed the blood,

In the mailbox came my MSP bill with a thud.

It was dressed as “insurance,” from its head to its foot,

But it’s a tax and unfair and goes up every year, to boot.

So a growing $144 monthly bill breaks a taxpayer’s back,

Meaning less toys or hockey skates for kids in Santa’s pack.

 

These taxes – how they creep up! This burden we must carry!

All to pay half a million bucks for a guy to run BC Ferries!

A prime minister letting EI and CPP hikes flow,

And all those payroll taxes causing good jobs to go;

Reid and Kwan apologizing through gritted teeth,

All because they got caught spending beyond belief;

Governments and Crown CEOs, to the bar they belly

Why must there always be bad tax news on my telly?

 

They are chubby and plump, all of ’em jolly fat cats,

And we sighed when we saw them, hiding wallets under hats;

With a blink of their eye and a twist of their head

Our taxes shoot up, in more ways than we can dread;

A few bucks here, a few bucks there, that’s how they work,

And we who oppose them, they deem insolent jerks,

And again they come, laying their fingers into our pay packets,

So it’s up to taxpayers to yell NO! Make a big racket!

Send them to find efficiencies and keep blowing the whistle,

Forcing ’em to save us the money by cutting the gristle.

Still we hear them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight – “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a bigger tax bite!”

Jordan Bateman is B.C. director of the Canadian Taxpayers Federation, a federally incorporated, not-for-profit group promoting government accountability.

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