I wonder if history repeats itself. In February 2017, I penned a column entitled Not Exactly An International Bromance with my imagination running wild about the first meeting at the White House between Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and US President Donald Trump.
It started like this:
Trump: “Good morning and welcome to the White House. Will the Prime Minister be arriving shortly?”
Trudeau: “I am the Prime Minister.”
Trump: (turning a little redder than normal) “Of course you are. I apologize. Hey, I just realized that both of our names start with the letters TRU. How cool is that? But why did your mother name you Justine? Now, Donald, there’s a good old American name for you!”
Trudeau: “It’s JUSTIN, Mr. President!”
Fast forward to the present where the same two players met again.
Trudeau is still Canada’s prime minister (although, I daresay not for much longer) and, God forbid, Trump is soon to be again president of the United States.
They recently dined at Trump’s ostentatious Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach, Florida where they sat beside each other. Smiles all around.
Once again, let me be a fly on the wall during that brief visit and envision how their conversation played out.
Trump: “Welcome to Mar-a-Lago, my young grasshopper. I see you still have beautiful hair.”
Trudeau: “And I see you still dye yours the colour of a Florida sunrise. Congratulations on your election success. I look forward to many sleepless nights ahead as you know what they say: When America sneezes, Canada gets a cold.”
Trump (slapping Trudeau on the back): “Nothing to worry about. After all, we are neighbours, allies and trading partners. I know we do about $2 billion a day in international trade with Canada. Of course, that’s in Canadian dollars so that would add up to about $1.5 billion American with your dollar so weak. Weak, just like you.”
Trudeau (looking a little sheepish): “I must confess, I’m a little nervous about you threatening to impose a 25 percent tariff on all Canadian goods imported into the United States. By the way, this wine is delicious … what is it?”
Trump: Well, I can tell you it’s not the excellent Chateauneuf du Pape I am enjoying. I believe yours is some boxed wine left over from the Biden administration. As far as tariffs go, don’t worry my boy, just 'kiss the ring' and all will be well.”
Trudeau (sporting a big grin): “I’m just worried my boyish charm offensive isn’t going to work on you this time around. I know you are worried about border security and the flow of drugs and migrants into the U.S., but let me hand you a peace offering.”
Trump: “And what would that be, Justine ... your beautiful ex-wife?”
Trudeau: “I remember you said you wanted to make America grate again. I can offer your citizens all the cheese we produce in Armstrong, British Columbia. And I’ll throw in Lesley Stowe crackers made in Vancouver at no extra charge.”
Trump: I shall think about that, but meanwhile, eat your dinner. It’s the finest steak America produces, courtesy of our redneck ranchers in Texas.”
Trudeau: “Sorry, I have to pass as I am trying to encourage Canadians to eat crickets instead of meat, so I must set an example. I guess Canadians ranchers won’t be voting for me next election, but the disillusioned Green party might.”
Trump (flashing a toothy grin): “Good luck with that one, Justine. As for me, I’m looking forward to sparring with that aggressive upstart, Pierre Polident.”
Merry Christmas to all my loyal readers.
April Lewis writes monthly on seniors' issues for Peace Arch News.
