april lewis

PENINSULA ZOOMERS: A visit from St. Nicholas goes ‘viral’

Even COVID-19 can’t keep Santa from spreading joy among seniors

‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa was tired

The pandemic was raging, and his elves had been fired

He begged to his reindeer, “Please help me tonight!”

But they froze in their tracks then ran out of sight.

Santa wept silently and hung down his head

Instead of feeling joy, he was filled with such dread.

Mrs. Claus was of no use as she was laid low

The virus had hit her with a malevolent blow.

“Christmas will be ruined and C.A.R.P. members sad

If I don’t help them out, they’ll be cranky and mad.

Mrs. Snodgrass wants chocolates and a cosy duvet,

Old Charlie wants long johns and a ride on my sleigh.

Jeannie longs for a Tesla, which is gasoline-free

Hank wants a walker wrapped under his tree

Mabel would be happy with a gentleman friend

Someone to love her while her hip’s on the mend.”

Santa was despondent and full of despair

He tugged on his beard and pulled on his hair.

When all of a sudden, there came such a clatter

And a voice which called out, “Why, what is the matter?”

“Dear Santa, it upsets me to see you this way

Please let me help you tonight if I may.

I’ve nothing else planned on this cold Christmas Eve

I can’t sit back idly and just watch you grieve.”

Santa was stunned as he stared at this human,

It wasn’t Donald Trump nor old Harry Truman

The face looked familiar, not a Yank…a Canuck!

He knew this young man would bring him good luck.

The Canadian smiled and said with a grin

“I’m here to get you out of the pickle you’re in.

I’ve had lots of practice just so you know,

Please call me Justin, as in Justin Trudeau.

My priority will be to your Zoomers out there

So all the C.A.R.P. members will know that I care

I’ll begin by giving them the vaccines they crave

And add one more vote for each life that I save.

This includes COVID-19, they’ll be first in the cue,

Shingles and pneumonia, which is worse than the flu

At no cost to seniors because that’s what I do

And the good news, Santa, is this includes you!

And while I am at it, I’ll give them more money

For a holiday in future where it’s sandy and sunny

I’ll pay for their drugs and their prescription medication

Financially, they can call it a medication vacation.

My generosity to C.A.R.P. members abounds without end

They’ll call me their hero, their saviour, their friend.

They’ll no longer worry about me spending their billions

Because Canada’s deficit is now in the trillions.

You can see I’m no Grinch, no Ebenezer Scrooge

I’m your servant, your lackey, your obedient stooge.

But, Santa, I’m not insensitive nor am I a fool

For I’ve enlisted the help of Singh and O’Toole.

They both know full well that your elves all got fired

So they’ve bandied together and mulled and conspired

To assist you, dear Santa, in this year 2020

Cause time on their hands, they will have that a’plenty.

I’ve prorogued the House again and now I’ll be gone

To spend Christmas away with my friend Agha Khan.

But Jagmeet and Erin who are my compassionate foes

Will navigate your sleigh using Rudolph’s red nose.

A little to the left with some leaning to the right

I promise you Santa, it will be a remarkable sight

I’ll now take my leave and wish you a good flight

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.”

April Lewis is the local communications director for CARP, a national group committed to a ‘New Vision of Aging for Canada.’ She writes monthly.

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Gurinder Mann. (Submitted photo)
Surrey man receives prestigious restorative justice award

East Newton resident Gurinder Mann one of five to receive a Community Safety and Crime Prevention Award

TEASE PHOTO: Teens at the Bumpers dance club in Whalley in the 1980s, in a photo posted to the "Bumpers / The Zone OFFICIAL Party Page" on Facebook.com.
SURREY NOW & THEN: Bumpers and other teen dance clubs were big in the 1980s

A weekly look back at Surrey-area landmark sites and events

An example of a Surrey Police cruiser, showcased at Mayor Doug McCallum’s State of the City Address at Civic Hotel in May of 2019. (File photo: Amy Reid)
Surrey Police Service looking to hire in-house lawyer

Solicitor to work within Office of the Chief Constable, serve on internal and external committees to ‘represent the SPS’s interests’

Surrey provincial court. (File photo: Tom Zytaruk)
New COVID-19 protocols set for provincial courthouses

The new rules were issued on Jan. 21, and took effect immediately

Tyler Tardi will serve as a fifth on Team Laycock at the 2021 Tim Hortons Brier. (Black Press Media file photo)
Tyler Tardi to serve as alternate for B.C. team at Brier

Langley/Cloverdale curler to serve as ‘fifth’ on Team Laycock at Calgary-hosted championships

Toronto Public Health nurse Lalaine Agarin sets up for mass vaccination clinic in Toronto, Jan. 17, 2021. B.C. is set to to begin its large-scale immunization program for the general public starting in April. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Frank Gunn
B.C.’s COVID-19 mass vaccinations expected to start in April

Clinics to immunize four million people by September

Chief Public Health Officer Theresa Tam speaks during a daily briefing in Ottawa. (THE CANADIAN PRESS/Adrian Wyld)
31 cases of COVID-19 variants detected in Canada: Health officials

Dr. Theresa Tam made announces 13 more variant COVID-19 cases in Canada

Cannabis bought in British Columbia (Ashley Wadhwani/Black Press Media)
Is it time to start thinking about greener ways to package cannabis?

Packaging suppliers are still figuring eco-friendly and affordable packaging options that fit the mandates of Cannabis Regulations

Daily COVID-19 cases reported to each B.C. health region, to Jan. 20, 2021. Island Health in blue, Northern Health green, Interior Health orange, Vancouver Coastal in red and Fraser Health in purple. (B.C. Centre for Disease Control)
B.C.’s COVID-19 infection rate stays stable with 508 cases Friday

Vaccine delivered to more than 110,000 high-risk people

The District of Saanich’s communications team decided to take part in a viral trend on Thursday and photoshopped U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders into a staff meeting photo. (District of Saanich/Twitter)
Bernie Sanders makes guest appearance municipal staff meeting in B.C.

Vancouver Island firefighters jump on viral trend of photoshopped U.S. senator

School District 57 headquarters in Prince George. (Mark Nielsen, Local Journalism Initiative Reporter)
Prince George school district settles with sexual abuse victim

Terms were part of an out-of-court settlement reached with Michael Bruneau, nearly four years after he filed a lawsuit

Police in Vancouver looking for male suspect who allegedly spat and attacked a store manager for not wearing a mask, at 7-Eleven near Alma Street and West 10th Avenue just before noon on Dec. 17, 2020. (Vancouver police handout)
VIDEO: Man spits on 7-Eleven manager over mask rule, sparking Vancouver police probe

‘Unfortunately, the store manager sustained a cut to his head during the assault’

The Vancouver-based SAR team successfully rescued two lost snowshoers off of the west side of Tim Jones Peak in the early morning of Monday, Jan. 19. (North Shore Rescue photo)
B.C.’s busiest SAR team raises alarm after 2021 begins with fatality, multiple rescues

‘People beyond ski resort areas of Seymour, Grouse, and Cypress go without cell reception,’ SAR warns

Competitors make their way through the course at the 2019 Canadian Cross Country Championships, which was hosted by Abbotsford in 2019. (File photo)
Abbotsford to host 2023 Canadian Cross Country Championships

Clearbrook Park last hosted the event in 2019, Ottawa hosting 2021 and 2022 races

Most Read