When it comes to ending domestic violence and abuse, South Surrey social activist and film producer Alison Soroka knows full well that silence is not golden.
“Silence can be evil – it can be destructive,” said Soroka, organizer of an inaugural charity event, designed to share information and spark dialogue on practical ways to achieve this goal.
“What the perpetrator of abuse does is to try to silence you – and that’s when the real abuse starts to happen.”
Marking Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Domestic Violence and the Legal System is scheduled for the Tsawwassen Springs Golf Course, at 5133 Springs Blvd. in Delta, for 6 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. Monday, Oct. 23.
The motto of the volunteer organization Soroka founded – Smiles and Laughter Entertainment/Ending Abuse Media – is “together we can break the cycle of abuse.”
In keeping with that, the by-donation event is an invitation to turn up the volume on the problem by sharing “an educational and philanthropic evening in support of victims and survivors of domestic violence.”
The organization’s mission is to “leverage media to expose the crime of domestic violence, share vital resources, and encourage family peace while improving public awareness,” Soroka said.
Soroka knows whereof she speaks. A survivor of domestic violence and abuse, she remembers not only the physical and emotional impact on herself and her three children, but also the sense of hopelessness and shame she felt, her doubt of her own perceptions as a result of sustained ‘gaslighting’, and the typical fear of being stigmatized by admitting the truth of her torment.
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By breaking away she and her children were victimized economically, but she was also “villainized” by her ex-partner, something her children are still dealing with, she noted.
“We were the picture-perfect family, living in a very affluent area of South Surrey. But people don’t always know what goes on behind closed doors.”
Or perhaps they do, she noted, but simply don’t want to get involved.
“Too many people want to sweep it under the carpet, to say ‘it’s not my problem.’ But it’s everybody’s problem. How many of us have been involved in it in some way, or been exposed to it as a child, or know someone who has been a victim? How many have been victims ourselves?”
Soroka cites Statistics Canada figures that estimate domestic violence incidents in Canada at 114,132 per year.
Even were we emotionally immune to the suffering of victims, the economic impact of the problem would be staggering. In the U.S. it’s been estimated that the economy loses some $7.5 billion annually in costs of medical expenses, police and court costs, shelters and foster care, sick leave, absenteeism and non-productivity, and Soroka has no doubt that the figures hold true, proportionately, in Canada.
“It affects all of us,” Soroka said. “And yet, domestic violence is the most under-reported crime in society.”
Typically, the pragmatic Soroka is not one to remain quiet or stand idly by.
Hence the upcoming event, hosted by Kash Heed, former West Vancouver police chief and B.C. solicitor general, also a passionate advocate on the issue, with whom Soroka connected when she was interviewed on his radio talk show.
The evening will blend an hors d’oeuvres, wine and door prizes reception with a screening of Soroka’s documentary The Honest Truth, based on the true story of Surrey resident Maria Catroppa, murdered by her partner after years of abuse, and a keynote speech from Winston Sayson, K.C.
In his three-decade career, the now-retired senior trial Crown Counsel for the B.C. Prosecution Service of the ministry of the Attorney General worked with many cases of domestic violence, sexual assault, and child abuse.
Recognizing that victims could often come from diverse ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds, Sayson won praise for understanding that testifying could re-traumatize victims, and for his skill in communicating with witnesses and victims to give them the strength and resiliency to testify.
Post retirement, he has continued to work in the same field, now sharing his experience with lawyers, criminology students and victims in emphasizing the importance of self-care and resilience, and advocating for placing mental health at the forefront of the legal profession.
“It’s rare to find a lawyer who is so well-informed on these issues,” Soroka said.
Soroka herself recently contributed a chapter to a book by self-help author Shahida Arabi, Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself, which she describes as “a fabulous resource filled with well-researched and credible solutions to finding happiness, peace of mind, and empowerment towards personal development following narcissistic abuse.”
In that chapter, Soroka describes how verbal abuse can have almost as devastating an effect on the victim as physical violence.
That can include “belittling, name-calling, degrading, shaming, ridiculing or humiliating,” she pointed out, or “making one feel unsafe by slamming a door, bashing an object, or threatening severe punishment.”
Other abusive treatment can include “setting unrealistic expectations with threat of loss of affection or physical harm if not met,” and “ignoring, being emotionally cold and unsupportive, withdrawing comfort as a means of discipline.”
Children who experience verbal abuse, she said, “grow up to be self-critical adults who are more likely to experience depression and anxiety.”
“Physical abuse might leave physical scars, but verbal abuse leaves invisible scars that might never heal.”
Above all, Soroka said, in sharing pragmatic, up-to-date information for victims of domestic violence, she wants to give hope to those who feel trapped in a hopeless situation.
“I feel so blessed and grateful I survived, and that I can live on and share my experiences,” she said. “If I can save one person from what I went through, it will be worthwhile.”
To reserve for the event, visit eventbrite.ca/e/domestiv-violence-the-legal-system-tickets